My 'baby shower' and other updates

My relationship with my family is....complicated I guess you'd say. I know, aren't they all? Well, my family's a little bit like the Brady Bunch, but much less functional. I'm sort of an only child, but not really. My parents married each other after their previous marriages failed, and each had a son and a daughter from those marriages. They married each other a bit late in life, with kids ranging in age from 12 to 21. Then there was an oops. Me. So, when my mom was 39 and my dad was 50, they re-entered parenthood together with a baby girl with a head full of dark hair, one teenage daughter still living at home, and my dad's aging father living with them as well. While I have four 'brothers and sisters', they are all half-siblings to me, and were pretty much all grown up by the time I came along and therefore I basically grew up as an only child and was pretty lonely. This is reason numero uno that I have always wanted to have more than one child, and why I feel so blessed to have these two little ones playing soccer with my internal organs as I type.

This year was our turn to travel to my home state to see my family for Thanksgiving. The last time we were there was last Christmas, as this summer was full of IVF and all the joy that it brings so we didn't get to make our usual second trip home. I'd seen my parents, one of my sisters and one of my brothers since then, but that was it. Leading up to the trip all I kept hearing was how excited they were to see me and the 'babies' and how they wanted to throw me a shower at Thanksgiving, which was fine with me. I was told there would be a few silly games - like name the twins, and placing bets on the birth stats, etc. I was told how at a previous family get together there was lots of talk about the shower and talk of making all the food at dinner 'baby' themed - like baby carrots, baby bib lettuce...etc. I was told that my sister was doing decorations. I was excited. After all the hell we'd been through, I was finally going to get my baby shower and get to celebrate it with my family. I was really excited.

I should have known better. I do this all the time. I let myself get my hopes up when it comes to my family and they never cease to let me down. Why would this time have been different? You know what my shower was? It was sitting down at the table after dinner, while dessert (cheesecake and pumpkin pie) was being served, to open presents. There were two baby rattle decorations laid on the table. That was it. No games, no theme, no cake. Just an afterthought to Thanksgiving dinner. We've had more festive birthday celebrations. The gifts were great - I appreciate them, I do, we need all the help we can get. But I wanted a shower. Something special. Something that had taken a little bit of effort and planning. That, I did not get. After all that we went through to get these babies, it would have been nice to have a little thought put into the celebration for them.

On top of that, I got to have my SIL ask me how much longer I was going to fit into my jeans because they looked like they were about to burst at the seams (she literally said that to me) and that I should be wearing muumuus to be 'more comfortable', and overheard my oldest sister (the hostess) bitch about when was she going to get a shower? Also, I'm not sure I've mentioned this before on my blog, but my mother (who is now 75) is suffering from the early stages of some kind of dementia or Alzheimer's and every time I see her it's really hard on me because I see the deterioration. Plus, she forgot to wear her hearing aids, so she was really out of it that day. I can tell that my parents are genuinely excited for us and their future grandchildren, and I know that my brothers and sisters are happy for us too...they just, I don't know, they just don't show it very well. As my husband has said in the past, 'Your family cares about you, they're just not very good at it." :/

On a much happier note - I'm happy to say that our anatomy scan the week before Thanksgiving was a raging success (mostly). I say 'mostly' because Baby A didn't want to cooperate fully and they couldn't get a good look at her spine and part of her brain/skull. The upside to that is that I get to see the twins again in a week and a half to check those things and to monitor growth. I'll be going in every 4-6 weeks from here on out for growth scans, so I'll get to see a lot of them! :) So, having had the anatomy scan means we know genders! We are so blessed to be having a son and a daughter entering our lives! Since the scan I've really (finally) connected with these kids and gotten really excited about the pregnancy. I talk to them, and sing for them, and have been feeling them kick like crazy for the past couple of weeks. My husband was even able to feel some kicks about a week ago when baby boy was kicking up a storm before bed. Baby girl has an anterior placenta, so I felt baby boy first and strongest, but she's been giving it her all lately too. I guess her placenta is low lying as well, so we have to keep an eye on that - but it should move up as the pregnancy progresses. Today I'm 21w1d - just 3 weeks from viability! This is getting really real!