FML

I guess it's inevitable on an IF blog to have a post titled FML. Today is mine. I just got home from getting my blood work and ultrasound/follie check. I think technically the techs aren't supposed to tell you anything afterwards, they never have before, but this time I had a different tech who told me at the end that I have one mature follicle on my right side. FML. So much for leftie. That means I've gone through all of that BS this past month for nothing. All the missed work, the panic attacks, the anxiety, the fights with my husband, the tears - all of it, for another cancelled cycle. A whopping single mature follie on my bad side. Whoop-dee-doo.

I had already decided before today that I was done with Clomid. It's just too much for me, messing up my life too much. I gave it the old college try, and now I'm giving in. I have an appointment scheduled for Monday morning with my RE to discuss what other options we have from here. I would like to think that next cycle I will actually ovulate on my left side....but at this point, I'm not placing any more bets. I'm obviously not working with a body that has read the text book. It's just going to do whatever the hell it wants, whether I like it or not.

How are you supposed to keep getting your hopes up when going through this stuff? When every time you get your hopes up they get thrown on the ground and stepped on? You keep clinging to hopes like they're life rafts, helping you make it a little closer to the shoreline, only to lose it and have to swim around and hope you can find something else to cling to for a little bit. I feel like the current is carrying me further out to sea...I'm still floating, but the shoreline isn't getting any closer.