I've been so absent lately. I'm not going to apologize though. I've needed a break - I still do, really, but it's time for an update. As of Monday I'm off BCP (couldn't have happened soon enough! I need some sleep!) and this morning was my baseline ultrasound and blood work. If all looks good, I'll start stims tomorrow. Oh, and today is CD1. Stupid cramps.
I feel so different this time around. I'm really numb. The excitement and hope from IVF #1 is gone, and instead there's just matter-of-factness mixed with the occasional moment of fear, stress or sadness. Meh. That's how I'd sum up how I'm feeling this time around in just one word. Meh.
The husband and I took a much needed mini-break last weekend. I got an online deal a while back for a little restaurant and B&B that's just a short drive from home and jumped on it, knowing that we needed something like this and couldn't afford it after shelling out our life's savings to pay for IVF. We got a one night's stay plus dinner for two for just over $100. (Not too shabby, eh?) It's actually a place that we had looked at when we were searching for a wedding venue, so we knew it was a nice setting. It was perfect, except for me coming down with some kind of nasty cold that night. My husband and I have a really strong relationship, which has been made stronger by all of this crap, but even as strong as it is, it's starting to feel the strain. We're both borderline depressed these days, stressed out, not sleeping well and just plain worn out from all of this, and the romance flat-lined a while back (I'm sure many of you can relate). It was good to get away and remember what romance feels like. We made the rule that there was to be no talk of IVF, or infertility or anything related to it. We were just a care-free young married couple on a weekend getaway. We were actually able to let it all go and be care-free for 24 hours. I'm proud of us. If only we could do that every weekend... Maybe I'll institute something like infertility-free Fridays or something. One day a week where we don't talk about it, try not to think about it...just be care-free for a day. Hmmm....
Glad you were able to step back and get a much needed break. I love the idea of trying to take a day without thinking or talking about infertility. It takes so much from our lives as is. Good luck on your stims!
ReplyDeleteI have my baseline for IVF#1 tomorrow...
ReplyDeleteThe vacation sounds wonderful! We talk about "vacation sex" which is totally different than the other kind and so important! I was only kind of sad when I said that we would no longer need to actually have sex to make a baby.
Infertility free Fridays -- love that idea! So glad you had a great vacation. Hubby and I are going on vacation next week (tied to a work conference for him) and I CANNOT WAIT!!! Then a couple of weeks later we will start BCPs for our first IVF. Thinking of you during IVF #2 and hoping and praying for good news!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back...even if it's only for a moment. I feel you. Breaks are so important. I think we have a giant free pass to take breaks as we please. Good for you and your hubby for getting away for the weekend! We did the same. I'm glad to hear I wasn't the only one skipping a traditional Easter weekend :)
ReplyDeleteBTW...paragraph #2 is nearly EXACTLY how I'm feeling about FET#1. Meh is the perfect word. Just MEH.
Know what you mean about feeling "numb... instead there's just matter-of-factness mixed with the occasional moment of fear, stress or sadness"... that's exactly how I feel at the moment. Your weekend away sounds lovely :)) Having time away from TTC sounds like a great idea... and can completely relate to what you said about the strain this takes on r/ships xoxo
ReplyDeleteUgh, I can relate to much of that. I was thinking of you! I'm glad you were able to take a break. Praying for you and hoping for nothing but the best to come.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck with this cycle. So glad you got to get away with Dh. When ttc you HAVE to do that bc it does consume your life. Thinking of you!!
ReplyDeleteSecond IVF for me was a success and I am wishing the same for you. Glad you guys were able to get some time away. Good luck this cycle!
ReplyDeleteBreaks are much needed in the IF world and it sounds like you and your DH had a wonderful weekend! I think an IF free day sounds like a great plan! Wishing you much success on IVF #2!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were able to get away. Crossing my fingers and sending positive thoughts that this is the cycle for you!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you were able to get away, if even for a night. We all need to do that more often...maybe a little question and answer will be a good distraction for you, I tagged you in my post, if you feel like checking it out that would be awesome, if not I totally understand :)
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