FETs are boring, my life isn't

I've decided that FETs are boring. Not that that's a bad thing. They're all the waiting of a fresh cycle without all of the appointments and med changes to distract you. I realize I may not have mentioned my protocol for this cycle before now, and I probably should. I started on BCP for three weeks, overlapped by five days with 10 units of Lupron. I then went down to 5 units of Lupron, and added in 4 oral Estrace pills - 2 in the am, 2 in the pm. I've now increased that to 6 pills a day. I'm also taking the usual prenatal and baby aspirin, along with my Vitamin D and Zoloft. A few days before transfer I start on an antibiotic and a steroid that I take for 6 days, that's four more pills a day, and I stay on the Estrace through 8-12 weeks of pregnancy (should I be so lucky) and add in PIO injections after transfer. Right now that's 10 pills per day.

It's official. I'm a pill popper.

The side effects have been milder than previous cycles. I have been having the dreaded lethargy and the blahs from the Lupron though. I'm a big lump full of things that I want to do without any motivation whatsoever to do them. Dislike. I've had borderline headaches off and on as well, luckily nothing as bad as that first cycle.

As for my not boring life - ugh. First off I have a sick cat on my hands. The pills she was taking for the hyperthyroidism made her incredibly sick. Poor thing couldn't keep anything down for a few days and has also been lethargic and full of the blahs. New meds are on order and should be in at the end of the week, in the meantime I think she's slowly recovering and starting to feel better. I have been completely freaked out by her being sick. I've had her for 12 years. 12. I got her and her brother when I was just 23, working my first big job out of college and living far away from my family. They've been with me through so much. We've been together in 3 states, 9 apartments/houses, many relationships (including meeting and marrying my husband), depression, anxiety, infertility...and it's been nothing but warm, furry, unconditional love through it all. I was at the grocery store the other night to get some canned tuna for them and all of the cats on the packages looked like her, and I found myself standing in the pet food aisle fighting back tears. There's nothing like crying at the grocery store. Ugh.

Also, my husband's grandmother passed away. It was an end to her suffering, and she's at peace now, but it was an incredible loss to her family. She was an incredible woman that I never really got to know. We spent three days last week traveling between home, halfway across the state to my husband's hometown for the funeral mass, then to Philly for the burial and back home again. It. Was. Exhausting. Thanks to the hormones, I cried a lot. Luckily I fit right in. Unlike the grocery store, no one looks at you strangely when you cry at a funeral. In fact, they hug you instead. They pat you on the back. They cry with you. It was nice to fit in for once.

So, that's what's going on. Transfer is 6 days away. As we get closer, I find myself getting more optimistic and actually looking forward to it. There's still a 'let's get this over with' feeling too. I'm so ready to take a nice long break from all of this infertility crap and try to reclaim my life. I need to go back to work, and start having some fun again, and bring some joy back to my marriage. I want to be carefree again, if only temporarily.